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As we all know, every relationship in our lives (be it a platonic, romantic, etc.) comes with its own sets of struggles, hardships, etc. But there are some things that can't not be ignored and those are red flags a.k.a. some signs or warnings. Red flags are very subjective in nature because it differs from person-to-person as each person has their own perspective, values and upbringing. Now let us take a look at some of these red flags that one must look out for or avoid.
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1) Anger issues :- Having frustration, irritation or being angry is commonly normal. However, if that turns into something destructive or abusive for both the persons then it can be alarming. One should not feel scared of other person. A relationship is supposed to make you feel safe, secure and stable. If it is making you feel complete opposite of these things then one must be observant of it. It can easily trigger your anxiety and past traumas. Those quick, frequent outbursts indicate a sign of unhealthy regulation and control of emotions which in the long run can be detrimental for a relationship.
2) Gaslighting :- Gaslighting is a form of controlling that usually occurs in an abusive relationship where one person wants to be authoritive and makes the the person on receiving end question their intuitions, feelings, thoughts, etc. One person has the upper hand and dominates the other person. While doing so, they feel satisfied. Continuously being dominative, makes them crave it even more and do it more constantly and obsessively. It involves sentences like "That's all just in your head", "I never said anything like that", "You're probably overthinking stuff like you always do".
3) Unequal give and take :- It Is observed that in such relationships one person makes a lot effort to make and sustain a relationship while the other person is not willing to return even half of it. For example, one person is trying to plan out dates, squeezing time out of their schedules to spend some quality time together, finding ways to keep the spark alive and ignited while the other person is half heartedly doing things or just "getting through it" or may be not even enjoying it a bit. This lack of effort can combinely tell a warning.
4) Lack of trust :- Trust is the base of any relationship in our lives. If the base is not strong or sturdy enough it will most definitely crumble down. Such destruction can be so hard to bear and process and will most probably mess with one's heads. It will take a lot of time to come out of it and heal the wounds. Not trusting each other in a relationship completely can lead to so many problems and misunderstandings. It will not only affect the bond but will also be detrimental to our own mental health. Our suspicions or doubts should not stop us from trusting the people in our lives.
5) Jealousy :- It is completely complete okay to be jealous when your partner is spending their time with other people more than you but it is not okay if they want you to compromise your own emotional well-being and happiness just because they want you all by themselves. Relationship is about partnership and not ownership. One has every right to have a "life" outside of their relationship and enjoy it however they wish to. Always remember a relationship is a part of your life and not your whole life. All relationships, be it friendship, family and also the relationship the one that we have with ourselves, collectively form our life. Just one relationship should not be our sole focus. Our life should not revolve around just one relationship.
6) Inconsistency :- If you see the constant and repetitive patterns of your partner being inconsistent, be it your dates, planned activities or any other thing that you planned to do together then you need to look out for it. No one deserves to be in a relationship where you feel unwanted and makes you question every little thing. One's actions and efforts should be reciprocated with same emotion and intensity. Sure, every relationship is bumpy but that does not mean you need to go through a roller coaster to have a healthy and long lasting relationship.
7) Emotionally unavailable :- Emotional unavailability means when a partner is only available to you when they want or when they feel convenient to do so. For example, they come to meet you or when they want to hang out with you. They plan it as and when they want to and do not really bother to care about your convenience or preference. They constantly neglect your emotions, leaving you to question your own feelings and intuitions. Such people do not feel emotions deeply and hence also not get it when they receive the same. You may have a difficulty when trying to talk to them about your feelings and heavy emotions. You may feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.
8) They make you feel less important :- There may be a chance that your partner may make you feel less than someone else. They may try to directly or indirectly make you feel unworthy of something or someone. Be it your professional achievements, personal victories or something as trivial as winning a game. Being with such person there is a chance that you will not even feel a sense of achievement because you may feel like you do not deserve what you have just accomplished or it is just silly. You do not feel happy and constantly feel that you have to achieve "more" or something significant to get their praise or validation.
9) Insecurity :- One of the things that is commonly observed in such relationship is that your partner makes you insecure in one or the other way. They might make you feel uncertain about so many things and leaving you to question about if you both are really on the same page or not. That what you have decided for the betterment of both of you is the same thing that they want? They indirectly mock you, say jokes about you or be sarcastic. They make you feel uncomfortable about your own skin and insecure. You feel timid and belittled. One should not feel like that in a relationship. Remember that they are channeling their very own insecurities onto you. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
10) Uncharming :- Some of the things that you found attractive or different about your partner are now making you feel irritated or bored. This means that you are slowly losing your patience. Little things about them have started to bother you. You need to sit back and find out why such things have started to bother you so much. It may be a sign that you are starting to lose your patience and not wanting to be with your partner anymore.
Conclusion :-
The bottom line is that one needs to be observant of all these things. If you think that either one of you has started to act differently then it is time to approach the person with gentle care. Be honest and let out all your worries. This will help both the people in the relationship to understand their partner a little better and figure out ways to solve the problem.
But if all of this is getting too toxic to handle then it is better to end something that does not serves you well. One must never compromise or sacrifice their own emotional well being and mental health for someone. Your relationship with your own self should always be your priority. Respect and trust yourself enough to walk away from something that could prove to be dangerous for you in the near future.
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